my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
