I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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