Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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