We're like a lot better than the average bears
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
