it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
