the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
