I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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