I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
