the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
