I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
