Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
