When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
