It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
