She's JV to your varsity
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
