he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
