she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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