I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
