I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
