Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
