We got so high we made milksteak
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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