Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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