in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
not ubering you a puppy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
