My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
