you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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