Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
