I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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