somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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