I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have post one night stand depression
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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