When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
