gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
