I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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