It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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