Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
