smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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