he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
