My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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