just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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