somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I look better un-naked...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
