I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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