Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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