you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
