If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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