i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
