He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
