He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
