i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
