im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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