Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
