chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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