My nipple is on Facebook.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
