I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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