She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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