"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
