im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
