Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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